I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
