Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
