thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
