drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
