I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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