im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
