this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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