You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
