Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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