shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize