My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
