just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize