well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
