Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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