so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
