hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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