Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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