I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
