some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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