Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize