I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
