Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
