before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
