Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you never un-have a 4some
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
