Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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