so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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