after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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