do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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