Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize