What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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