she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
