he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
