I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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