There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
