i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
