Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
