I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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