I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
