I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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