if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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