i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
