I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
