What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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