is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
