she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize