I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
