Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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