dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
