Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
