i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
