It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
