I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
