The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
