some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need moral support for this bender
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
