over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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