Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
