dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He felt like a one man threesome
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
