I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
