I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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