could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
