Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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