Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
